Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A place in displacement

Tomorrow is the big move in day. I don't know how I'm going to be able to fall asleep even though I'm exhausted. Today flew by...which is ironic considering it feels like the past few weeks have been in slow motion. My walls are bare. It's weird how big it looks without a ton of crap in it. Good lord did do I have a lot of stuff...two car loads to be exact. My mom is acting like I'm moving to another country instead of 40 minutes away. Did she completely forget we already did this last school year? Guess it seems more permanent when there is an empty closet.
My MacBook Pro came today and I instantly fell in love. I used to be anti-Mac....but holy cow this thing is magic. Now I get to wait in anticipation for the iPod touch that's being shipped from (can't pronounce the name) , China.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


My room looks like a bomb hit it. I don't move out until next Thursday, but since I am queen of procrastination, figured I'd better get a head start on the packing.
It sucks opening drawers and boxes only to discover pictures or random objects that I'd rather not have to see. I thought packing was supposed to help take my mind off things? It feels like ripping off a band stings like hell. But almost instantly the pain vanishes again and it's ok.
I'm getting a mac. That's about the only thing I have to look forward to this week, other than the apartment. I've been debating whether or not to get one all summer, but I realized it's the only thing I'd be willing to spend that much money on....I've wanted one FOREVER. I worked hard this summer, it's going to be a gift to myself. After this I'm saving every penny I make. Having two jobs will be stressful next semester, but I'll manage. I hate money.

The nastiest people came into Movie Gallery today. I HATE arguing with people. I absolutely loathe it. So imagine my disgust when a lady came in claiming that none of our DVDs play in her player....but that it wasn't her fault, no it was MY fault for renting her the "faulty" discs. I told her it was funny how they play in our player....and our hundreds of other customer's players...but not hers. She must be special. But special or not, no ma'am I can't give you your money back and give you free movies to compensate, besides what would be the point when they don't play in your magical player? Nothing tops another employee, Tony, one of the sweetest guys I've ever met, getting fired last week because a man blew a fuse over having to pay a $2.79 late fee. Wouldn't you say "Get the f*** out of the store" if someone started cursing at you telling you to come outside and fight while you stood there calmly???
If you're curious, the late fee in question was for the documentary Super Size Me. And yes. The angry customer was in fact, overweight.

My dad leaves tomorrow morning. I won't dwell on it too much because it makes me want to lay down and instantly go to sleep so I don't have to think about it anymore. I'm praying God looks after him. My mom is a wreck. My sister is 2x worse because she has to deal with the fact that not only is our dad leaving, but she is starting high school tomorrow as well.
I'm nervous for Katie. When I started high school we were living in Hawaii and I didn't know a single soul. I was pale, had braces, and talking to another human being made me break out in a rash. Katie is gorgeous, has too many friends to keep track of and has a boy calling the house asking for her at least every other day. I pray that she will stay on the right track, it never occurred to me until now how fast innocence can vanish. She has a good head on her shoulders, though.

Jonathan and I went to a Chinese restaurant and it was the weirdest experience at a Chinese restaurant I have ever had. The waitresses acted like the last thing they wanted to be doing was to wait on us. At the end we couldn't figure out where we were supposed to pay and the waitress looked at Jonathan like she would kill him in his sleep. The food was unusually chewy. Jonathan swore up and down he could interpret the cheesy karaoke music that was playing in the background. Best of all was the completely blank fortune he got in his cookie when the check came. "This," he said with a smirk on his face, "has to be the most accurate fortune I have ever received."

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Keep your eyes ahead

We've been in Florida for about four days...but I'm ready to come home. The beach is great, but let's be honest, your family can drive you up the wall. I'm also really anticipating finally moving into the new apartment.
My summer did not turn out the way I had planned at all. I saw myself working in another country and experiencing "new things". Instead, I found myself working at a job that tests my patience and pays minimum wage, suffering through some heart ache, and worst of all......
Saying goodbye to my dad who is being deployed to Afghanistan.
To be perfectly honest, when he told me the news I didn't know what to think or feel. I guess at first I was just numb. Then the pain set it when I saw how much it hurt my sister and my mom. I could just see the fear in their eyes...the fear of what could potentially happen to my dad during the 12 to 15 months he will be in this incredibly dangerous country. Then the pain turned to anger when I realized that the one person I wanted to find comfort and solace in....
the one person I had confined in for almost two years.......
wasn't there for me.

I was blinded with bitterness for a little while......I felt lost and hurt. My two best girlfriends were miles away in other states. Who was I supposed to talk to about this?
Thinking about it now, I can't wrap my head around how ridiculous I was acting. I was feeling sorry for myself when my dad is the one who is actually having to leave his family for more than a year. And I had plenty of people to talk to about it! This summer I got so much closer to a group of people who I have come to realize are the most genuine and caring people I have ever met. One of these friends has helped me more than they will probably ever realize.

I think I've learned more about myself....and other people for that matter.... in these past few weeks than at any other point in my life. I've done things I would have never in a million years pictured myself doing; camping, top roping a 5.8 cliff.... I used to freaking hate the outdoors! It's like I walked outside one day and suddenly realized how beautiful nature is and how truly blessed by God we are to have it. I think the most important lesson I've learned is that you really don't need someone else to make you happy.

My only goal for this next school year is to become selfless. I've been so self-centered lately and there are so many more important things to care about.
I can still remember what Brittany said to me on the phone one day when I called her blubbering. "Stop crying Emma. Why are you crying? You have nothing to cry about."

And she was right. I don't.