Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Keep your eyes ahead

We've been in Florida for about four days...but I'm ready to come home. The beach is great, but let's be honest, your family can drive you up the wall. I'm also really anticipating finally moving into the new apartment.
My summer did not turn out the way I had planned at all. I saw myself working in another country and experiencing "new things". Instead, I found myself working at a job that tests my patience and pays minimum wage, suffering through some heart ache, and worst of all......
Saying goodbye to my dad who is being deployed to Afghanistan.
To be perfectly honest, when he told me the news I didn't know what to think or feel. I guess at first I was just numb. Then the pain set it when I saw how much it hurt my sister and my mom. I could just see the fear in their eyes...the fear of what could potentially happen to my dad during the 12 to 15 months he will be in this incredibly dangerous country. Then the pain turned to anger when I realized that the one person I wanted to find comfort and solace in....
the one person I had confined in for almost two years.......
wasn't there for me.

I was blinded with bitterness for a little while......I felt lost and hurt. My two best girlfriends were miles away in other states. Who was I supposed to talk to about this?
Thinking about it now, I can't wrap my head around how ridiculous I was acting. I was feeling sorry for myself when my dad is the one who is actually having to leave his family for more than a year. And I had plenty of people to talk to about it! This summer I got so much closer to a group of people who I have come to realize are the most genuine and caring people I have ever met. One of these friends has helped me more than they will probably ever realize.

I think I've learned more about myself....and other people for that matter.... in these past few weeks than at any other point in my life. I've done things I would have never in a million years pictured myself doing; camping, top roping a 5.8 cliff.... I used to freaking hate the outdoors! It's like I walked outside one day and suddenly realized how beautiful nature is and how truly blessed by God we are to have it. I think the most important lesson I've learned is that you really don't need someone else to make you happy.

My only goal for this next school year is to become selfless. I've been so self-centered lately and there are so many more important things to care about.
I can still remember what Brittany said to me on the phone one day when I called her blubbering. "Stop crying Emma. Why are you crying? You have nothing to cry about."

And she was right. I don't.


  1. you're a really good blog writer.

    sorry to hear about all of this :/ if u wanna talk i'm here :)


  2. Wow, Emma I am so sorry.
    I had no idea.
    I hope everything gets better for you.

    I'll see you soon! :)