Friday, October 30, 2009

I'm not sure why, but Fridays are so lonely.

As soon as I get done with class around noon, I get this antsy feeling that never seems to go away and only becomes more persistent if I decide to come home to my parents house. It feels like I'm missing out on everyone is collectively doing something epic without me.

This house doesn't feel like mine anymore and it's kinda sad. Of course, the fact that my mother is constantly renovating some room in the house doesn't help my cause.

I thought things would be getting better once Homecoming was over....but that hasn't really happened. So many newsworthy things happened this week that only increased the stress I was under dealing with multiple midterms and a news staff of five.

The events that occurred this week made me a little bitter and disgusted with the nature of how people can act. Granted, I try to keep an open mind and consider other people's perspectives. But sometimes, I just can't fathom how people can be so ignorant, close minded, rude, and just downright stupid.

I don't even want to delve into this preacher incident because it only gives me a headache. I'll just leave it at this. Neither party was right. In my opinion, both parties were very wrong. Freedom of speech seems to be such a touchy subject these days and I really feel that people abuse and take for granted this precious amenity. And that's exactly what happened Wednesday afternoon. I may not have been a witness to the events, but I know that no matter what the circumstances are, fighting violence with violence is guaranteed to make things 10x worse, and this case was no exception. It makes me incredibly bitter when I see people try to force their beliefs on other people. It upsets me even more when those people trying to be coerced react with absolute anger and hatred. Everyone thinks they are right. No one is ever wrong. Seriously, as lame as it sounds, can't we all just get along? I'm not saying we should all hold hands and commence skipping in a field of flowers. But let's at least stop acting like 5-year-olds, shrug our shoulders, and move on with life.

Moving on, allegations of hazing have surfaced involving one of the fraternities on campus. Hazing is wrong. That's it. No if, ands, or buts. It's degrading, pointless, not to mention against the law. The fact that people are trying to defend the fraternity in question just boggles my mind. Since when is it ok to urinate on someone? To throw chairs at them and make them do absurd physical activity? Is that what brotherhood is about? Letting someone degrade you just so you can be a part of an organization that you are paying to be in? Please someone explain this to me. I get wanting to be a part of something that helps the community, that builds relationships and creates a positive atmosphere on campus. Please tell me what's positive about this humiliation and degradation that's been taking place.

I just can't wait to get off Greek beat because I feel that my own personal opinions on the organizations are going to start conflicting with my goals to remain objective. That........

and frankly. I just don't care anymore.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Note to self: Breathe

All I want to do is relax.
I don't want to worry about anything.
My mind has been in a constant state of motion for the past three weeks..
And I want it to stop.
I sorta feel like in my quest to help other people and putting others before myself, I've stretched myself thin and it's taking it's toll. Instead, I've been making decisions without thinking, and this may have undoubtedly made situations worse.
I don't get enough sleep. I hardly have enough time to eat. I have zero time to think.

I love my friends and the people I interact with on a day-to-day basis to death.....
but lately....
I'm just getting so annoyed with everyone. And I feel so utterly terrible about it. I find myself ignoring phone calls, not responding to texts. It's awful, and I'll catch myself doing it and think how incredibly rude it is.
It's just, I feel like a broken record telling people "I can't hang out, I'm busy, so sorry"...yet I keep getting asked over and over and over when I'm free. How terrible is that?? I'm annoyed that people want to spend time with me! I guess it's just frustrating because no one understands that because I'm getting pulled in every direction with work and school, the times when I'm not doing those activities is MY TIME. And when I get asked multiple times, it only stresses me out all the more. I can't help but get a little hissy when someone says "Hey thanks for coming to my party last night. NOT." Or, "You're always busy. Just put me on the waiting list and let me know when you are free." Heey now, sorry that I have other priorities.
But I'm done ranting about this because now I feel terrible for even mentioning it. It's just....I feel like I keep skirting the edge of a mental breakdown, and one of these days I might blow.
I want to leave the country, cell phone and computer-less and go somewhere where nobody knows me, sit, breathe, and relax. I'm tired of having obligations and responsibilities and I'm worried that all my hard work won't amount to anything in the long-run. :(