Monday, March 8, 2010

Sweet Disposition

I could listen to Leah laugh all day. I feed off of other people's personalities, it's something I've noticed about my own personality a long time ago. When I'm around her, her laugh makes me laugh. My sense of humor radiates, making her laugh harder, leaving me crying because I laugh harder too. I'm constantly floored by her demeanor; you would never know that she carries a broken heart when her laugh can light up a room. I guess the saying is true - it's only when we have lost everything that we are free to do anything. Life didn't end for her when her mother passed away. If anything, it only made her open her eyes and realize her passion to start living. And it's through her loss that I've realized how stagnant I've let my life become. I can attribute it to the winter weather. Or the turmoil of school and the paper. Or the loss of a loved one. But in the end, I only have myself to blame. The fact of the matter is I haven't managed my time wisely. I wasted my time on someone who didn't deserve it. I lost sight of the whole reason I enrolled in school in the first place; to get an education. I've been half-assing everything, barely getting by, and ending up with a blurry sense of myself. But I'm back on my feet now.

We were standing on the beach the other day and as I was letting the frigid ocean wash over my toes, I felt like I had just woken up. Like the auto-pilot version of me had suddenly switched to manual. I'm excited to see what's going to happen this spring.

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