Sunday, April 11, 2010

High five you're alive

The days keep morphing together, so much so that sometimes I forget what day it is. My 20th birthday came and went. I know the end of the semester is around the corner. It's just not in sight.
I sat outside today, watching Roz pace back and forth on the sidewalk, her disheveled bleached hair glinting in the sunlight.

"My life's gone to shit, Emma," she informed me as I quietly picked the gold polish off my nails.

"That's not necessarily.......true," I paused on the last word as I realized what I was telling her was, in fact, a blatant lie. She looked down at me, and we both knew it, letting out simultaneous sighs.

I suggested she take two hours out of a day to clean up her apartment, get the bills in order, forget about the paper and call her friend that's in a really bad place. But even as I suggested it, we both knew it was a stupid suggestion. She doesn't have two hours. She barely has two minutes.

Call me naive, but having responsibilities blows. I miss the times when people would call to ask how you were doing instead of "I need something from you." The weather has been so beautiful lately, but the only time I get to enjoy it is when I'm walking from class to class.

Is it this town that makes it so hard to be content? I can't say I've ever encountered anyone who has professed their love for it. The first time I ever came here I remember thinking "everything is gray and there are too many gas stations."

It's like none of us belong here and we all know it. But we don't do anything about it except complain. We all have this notion that we have to pay our dues and hopefully, things will pay off and get better. Q made me all depressed yesterday. He wants to get out so bad, this town has nothing for him. It's a cesspool filled with people who have big dreams, who talk up these big dreams, who daydream about these big dreams...but never actually fulfill them. I argued that this wasn't necessarily....true. I paused. I thought about all my aspirations and suddenly couldn't swallow the lump in the back of my throat.

I'm all for snapping out of this dismal mood. Things could be worse. But I hope they get better.

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